All in All

I've made a few friends
a few enemies
and quite a few mistakes.
I rave about the foolish, and commit the sins I condemn. I see it. I know it. I am a hypocrite.

Officially, always, forever will be. Don't you see it, though? We're all made this way. We're imperfect, horrible, cruel, and are terribly selfish. Even our altruistic moments are caused by our own 'good' emotions, the ones that misfire in our brain and tell us what we're doing is right. All we've been is trained, to be and do and look and think a certain way. It's to be expected. We're only human, yes?

I know all this. I see it every time I look in the mirror. But I ask you all a question, one I wonder if you can answer truthfully, even with yourself. Can you see your own sins? Can you see the pain and the destruction in your own life, and see where the lines blur between right and wrong and what's our fault and isn't?

I'm normally a champion of love, hope and rainbows, even despite my past. But now, I break from the mold, not to cry or emote or really even scold anyone. Not this time. I want to see if what you all see is the truth. I test people on a fairly regular basis, even in ways they don't realize. I ask the questions no one wants to answer, the ones that we aren't comfortable with thinking about. You think you aren't answering, but even with the words you speak and the emotions behind them, you tell on yourself every time you set a pen to paper. Your hearts, your minds, your lies and your beliefs are so obvious once you start writing.

It's a good thing. But why is it we can dance around the truth so easily, but when it comes to biting the bullet and looking at the truth, we fail? Hell, I opened a giant door for the good and the hateful alike to shoot holes in me, and once again a meager few were the ones to answer the call. I'm disappointed, truly. Do you know why? If you can't even tell a person what will wind up killing them, how are you going to prevent your own? For that matter, I don't even care about the deaths anymore. Sometimes our lives can be more painful than the deaths, and it can be such a respite for the weary and battle-hardened. Examine yourselves, what do you see?

After all this, I'm tired of scolding you. I feel like a preacher on a soapbox, trying to keep the believers from the flames. It's just not my job anymore to hold your hand and tell you the mistakes you're making. You obviously see and know where you're going with your lives. If anyone particularly wants the advice I can give, I'll give it. Why parent perfectly grown adults when they neither need nor want the attention? I'm changing the job description. I'm tired of my hands being bitten. I'll always find a way to write, to get across what I believe will happen. Sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes, I'm horribly right. I've been making more waves than I believe I really ought to anymore. So believe me if you will, reject it if you want. I'm so tired of preaching.

On related news, I've wound up on another list. My big mouth and pride have caused my name to be retroactively added to Ferus' kill list. If anyone's interested in why, I'll tell them, or they can stop being lazy and go look for themselves. The missing bit, I still have if anyone wants to see. Is it an accomplishment to make it on a kill list? Maybe in the Slender World it is, but to me.. it's disappointing, and it's sad. I make remarkably few proxy enemies for all those I converse with, and I have lofty ideals for a girl that can't keep her mouth shut. -sigh- I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Til next time, over and out.


  1. I feel like we are kindred spirits, Dia. It truly is a shame that we'll never meet.


  2. I ought to remember you..

    You're the undead man. The one whose posts disappear unless you know how to trick Google.

    I would call you insane, wonder how you survived, or really even why you think we have anything in common. And then, I stop for a moment and think.

    I'm no more sane than you, though I must confess curiosity killed the fact. I'd love some satisfaction to bring me back, though I'll be serious for a moment. I'll stop blathering now, because I read your 'dying will' again. It reminded me of a few things I needed to know.

    And so I agree. It truly is a shame, love.

  3. Heh, the truth. Good and evil. From a human perspective? It's all different shades of grey. Though I believe we were given conscience for a reason. But then again, what about the psychopaths and the sociopaths and anyone else who was born without one? Are they not fully human? Are they simply intelligent and intelligible animals?

    The simple answer to that is who cares? Go make up you're own mind what's right and wrong, then you can question whether there really is a conscience or whether it's all constructed by the genes or the society or whatever.


  4. People need to be told things but they don't need to listen. Everything is a big transfer of information no one uses but everyone needs. Do you have anyone not to listen to? Where is All in All?


  5. So you're telling me I should waste my breath on people that aren't listening, and what listen to what I'm saying? Why do that? It seems I'm better at angering people than helping people to begin with.

    I have plenty of people not to listen to, and a lucky few that I actually DO listen to. Believe it or not. All in all was the beginning to my sentence, but the All in All are 'all' the people that don't care to listen.

  6. Anger doesn't exist. Only confusion. When people are confused they start thinking and when they think too much they do things that are confusing, not angry. People are angry because they are confused because they are thinking. Confusion is life. Life is good. Maybe? Trying to think is confusing. So maybe if you can talk to people who aren't listening they may talk to you? But then again, are you listening? Am I listening? Is listening even an option? Are we all just listening to ourselves when we listen to others? What I'm saying depends on how you listen and where and when and why. Words change when they age. I might be talking but I might be screaming, or maybe both and maybe the words are lacking the time they need to make sense or not. Words are nonsense and nonsense is everything maybe. Nonsense is sensible. Nonsense is nothing.


  7. I've finally found someone that speak in circles in the same manner that I do. Wonderful!

    Hunter... where have you been, love?

  8. We should talk about things regarding Ferus sometime in private, Dia.

    On top of it, once more we see eye to eye. Stay safe, deary.

  9. You know Dove, I think you turned out quite nicely.

    It is a shame you are not preaching anymore. I did enjoy reading what you had to say. You're not disappearing entirely, are you? Because is would be truly a waste if you let this stop you from speaking. Even if it's no longer rantings, you should speak.

    Now I'm beginning to sound like Ronan. In any case, nice speaking to you again Dove.

  10. We don't know what the truth is, but we know some of the things it is not. We find it so much easier to dance around truth, knowing it is all lies and that you are following them to your doom can be so much easier than following the possibility of truth, to be given that glimmer of hope, and then only to have it taken away to make your defeat even more profound. People do not like risks, hope is the ultimate risk, and hope is inherant with every grain of possible truth. When you must scour the entire beach for salvation, it is sometime easier to just walk out into the water and let yourself drown.

    A new gentleman appears, you do not sound like the cynic, and don't appear to share the madman's traits, which one might you be?

    See you around

  11. I notice people keep asking things akin to "What happened?" in your posts...

    Are they... not reading? <.<;;

  12. We are not all cruel beasts. It is simply time that makes fools of us all. Time strips away all pretenses, makes fools of kings and kings of fools, and can wear down the tallest of mountains.

    Worry not about what others might do to you or others. Worry only about time. Time, as one poet put it, is the fire in which we burn.

  13. hi dia, hope what im about to say makes you feel slightly better.

    the truth. ive always been about it. i believe that the truth should always be spoke, even if it is more detremental then helpful, because it is the way things are to be. in my experience, even when the truth at first does more harm then help, it still helps the person hearing it grow and learn.

    now heres the part i think youll like. some people(Im sure you know this but im reminding you anyways) know they fuckup. some people see the truth. what i think you forget sometimes is that some people make mistakes to learn. they do it on purpose. it makes them grow and learn ahow to think differently.

    i listend to my friend get cut to pieces over the phone by a multi-personalitied ego-centric fifteen year old with a fascination for me. in my heart of hearts, i know staying over at a friends house was a bad idea.....and i knew that posting about it was proabably evben more retarded.......but i made a descisione. i decided it was better to do what made me feel better then what was right.

    ill be honest. what i lost was not worth the night of good sleep and good company......but what i learned from my lose. that has been worth every tear.....every blood droplet....

    im s33ing clearly dia.

    so why should this make you feel better? in a nut shell its this. we arent all fools. most of us fuckup, but sometimes is because we know we need to.

    i hope you know we arent all ignorant....adn i hope you know that most of us do listen.

    i listen. even when you think im fucking stupid, even when i know your right that im fucking stupid, i still listen.

    because even if it does offend me slightly. its what i need to hear.

    and so i dub you veritas. it is the latin word for truth. i name you not out of some bizarre need to give you sentiment. do not mistake me for some hormonal teenage wreck desperatley trying to find kinship.

    i name you becauce i beleive your experience and knowledge is something that should be respected. and so, i give these names to those i respect.

    be well veritas. stay safe. and speak the truth.


  14. We dance around the truth because it hurts to dance with it.

    I wonder if I made a proper analogy.

  15. Veritas... I believe I'll keep that one, actually. It's far better than scribe, fool, or 'reporter', as I've been dubbed in the past.

    I don't believe you, or any of the others, stupid. I believe in us, I believe in hope and love and learning from our mistakes. Even if they're bloody hard lessons to be given, we survive. That's all I really want. Happiness would be a bonus, though.

    A follow up to this will hopefully come soon. I have found many, many new people to observe and... well, to be wary of. I'm not too certain of the future, but damn it, I'm going tomake the best of it.