4.13.2012

Leave Me Alone


I've tried to stay out of sight, I really have. I rarely comment, I mainly keep my irritating little rants to myself. My business stays mine, your business stays yours. The way it should be, right? Hell, I don't even whine about going insane anymore. I think I mostly have that dealt with... But that's neither here nor there. A few things have come to my attention that I can't really ignore this time. It's time to drag myself out of retirement for five minutes to talk about the past, it seems. Joy of joys, I get to talk about my life with virtual strangers!

Okay, first of all, I just love how no one decided to warn me Gallows had been in my house. Not a single person. I had to find out through a fucking blog post, from a pair of psychotic proxies that NEVER FUCKING POST. Ugh. I'm so happy that the people that are supposed to be watching the house decided to 'leave' for those three days G&G decided to camp there. Sleep in my bed, and do.. whatever the fuck they did while they were waiting for me to come back. I moved away for a reason. I'm not going to come back to pick up my mail or say hi. Please just leave me alone, Gallows. I finally managed to get over you, and I don't want to be dragged back into more proxy bullshit just because you want an 'easy lay.' Just.. for fuck's sake, stop looking for me. Your following me to the East Coast is just desperate.

On a related note, damn it, Advy, stop being creepy in my comments section. I've been gone for two months by now. You took my blood, you got what you wanted, good grief, why do you still want to "play" with me? You have a girlfriend. A nice, slightly crazy girlfriend that probably needs your help right about now. Go bug her. Now. GO AWAY GOD DAMN IT.

Let's see, who's next in this virtual hate letter? Oh. David. I almost forgot about you. The next time you go whispering around that you'd like to take a crowbar to my face for "confidence boosting" reasons, I'll find a way to drop you in an alkali bath and probably do all of humanity a favor. I'm not the shrinking wallflower you raped in your friend's basement. Go bone Ronan. Seriously, you people have too much time on your hands if you're bugging me.

And on to the real reason for the post, the thing that maybe has me a teensy bit scared, and the reaaaaaaaaaaal reason that I'm ranting here and I'm avoiding again and maybe god damn it now I'm just blathering on gotta stop now. Okay. Okay. Phew. I think I'm good. I think. I mentioned that Gallows was trying to follow me, right? Well.. HE has someone trying to follow HIM. A nasty little thing by the name of LeCroix. She was present for that nice little town burning that G&G pulled back in December. She.. well, she might want a little bit of revenge. The police chief was kinda sorta her uncle. Who she loved. A lot. Lol, whoops, thanks a LOT, Gallows. You make my life so much harder, you pain in my ass... >.>;;

Guess who was present for the carnage? Me. With all my pretty little connections. She wants to "ask me questions." Right. That's code for badgering me until I tell her where Gallows is, maybe with a side of torture if I fight a little. If it weren't for Shady looking out for me, god knows how long it would have taken me to find out about this LeCroix bullshit. Sigh.

Joshua and MASC managed to cover my tracks pretty well, thankfully, so I don't think she'll be able to find me. The fact that I have to deal with this bullshit despite quitting everything is irritating beyond belief. But hey! Since I know Ms. Crazy Bitch reads my blog: LeCroix, you have my attention. Try tracking someone that actually hurt the ones you love. You aren't going to find me, I'm sure as fuck not telling you where I am, and I refuse to set foot in my old house again. Your chances are shit, and my patience ran out a long time ago.

I know I'm sending mixed messages, my friends. I can't help it by this point. I'd rather not be here, writing to you. I'd rather be living my life. I thought, well, maybe if I asked nicely I could cut the ties that bind. I've been trying so hard to live my life away from the violence and the hectic bullshit, oh god, I really have. I'm fighting to stay awake as I stare at these words, wondering if anything I say will have any effect. Unlikely at best, but I have to try. I have people I'm protecting this time around, and I can't afford to lose my sanity or my peace of mind again. I can't do it. I won't. You understand? Heed my words, they're for your own sake.

4.01.2012

Settling In


My life is slowly coming together, here among the noise and the smog. My roommate knows more than she lets on, but we let each other pretend we don't have our secrets. I get to feel.. normal for a while. No posting about the death and mayhem that follows the Fossils. No Trackers giggling over knowing where I am. No Proxies thinking they have something to hold over my head because they've been in my home. Well, except for maybe one. But I'm not telling who. If you can't guess, you really don't need to know.

I'm looking for a job, one that's a bit more flexible than the one I had before. I've put in plenty of applications, and I.. I have friends here that are willing to help me. Some of them new, most of them old. I can sit and watch Fight Club for the first time, and giggle over Marla and Bob's bitchtits. I can go to sleep from behind a locked door, and not have to worry about some fucktard with supernatural powers walking in and tying me to the bed or torturing me. I can, *gasp*, have friends doesn't know who They are. I'm swallowing my pride and applying for government help until I can get on my feet, which I would never have done before.

A lot has changed. I feel more free than ever, honestly. I put all my old pictures, notebooks, and files on people into storage under a name none of you know me by. I put the key somewhere safe, and I only really brought the mementos that meant something to me without being bloodstained or cause misery. A certain knife, my book and dvd collections, my computer, and maybe a quarter of my old clothes. A few sentimental things.

I've gone from a shut in whose only real company were the people who were running for their lives or trying to fuck her life up, to someone that's giving an honest shot at a real life. I finally told my "family" that they were out of a 'job', and that they could go back to what they were doing before. Or, keep tricking the organization into giving them a paycheck for a charade I knew about. They weren't terrible people, deep down, just afraid and in need of the money. I could understand that. I'd be a hypocrite if I judged their will to live.

 Let's see.. oh! I even have a date! One that seems fairly normal, if a little arrogant. I managed to find this cute little hipster kid, with eyes so blue you could drown in them. Yeah, I think I'll have fun with him.  Maybe get laid, who knows? I haven't gotten the chance in months, and I feel like making the neighbors a little... jealous. ;) You know what I mean.

Most of all, I haven't had to look over my shoulder as much. I've managed to cut ties with my old town. After the bloodbath my dear Graves and Gallows put it through, I'm sure no one will be missing me or my friends any time soon. My boss wanted to kick up a fuss about my leaving on such short notice. I handled that fairly easily, as he had a fairly bad habit of taking whores to the local motels and fucking them in rooms without drawing the blinds. All it took were a few pictures, and the promise that I was leaving for good. Only condition was a few paychecks and a glowing letter of recommendation for the next place I decided to frequent.